Danielle

So I think the new project that I should save for is rather than going to Europe when I graduate next summer, Tracy, Sharon, Ben and I...and whoever else is interested, should save to go research gender in a third world country. Maybe Africa! We could spend a month there talking with the people, observing how gender forms in their country- who is dominant, etc. It could be really interesting! Then we could come back to the US and relate it to how US gender is formed and how SAPs can combat the dominance. What do you think?

So today I went to Ford’s Theater, the house that Lincoln died in and the United States Holocaust Museum. I had been to Ford’s Theater and the house before when I was in middle school. I remember the house that Lincoln died in and seeing the bed and pillows in a plexy-glass case was my most favorite part of the experience. Looking back, I have no idea why! It is not even the real bed! The real one is in a museum in Chicago somewhere. What a sham! Anyway, Ford’s theater and the artifacts in the basement were exactly as I remembered them. I guess historical landmarks wouldn’t change much. It was good to have a refresher course though.

I also had the wonderful opportunity to attend the United States Holocaust Museum. If you have never been, you should definitely go! It was truly amazing. Three floors of history, photos, films, and artifacts- it is really a great reminder of how history is detailed and extensive. I was really into the Holocaust when I was in middle school. I remember going through old videos in the library, watching the graphic films of what happened to people, and wondering “Why?” That was beyond what we were supposed to cover in class though, so I had to stick to the facts. I even made my own probably illegal compilation of the films to show to my class. I didn’t spare them the graphic details either. The museum took me back. Back to the astounding events that took place in the last century. There were so many thoughts and questions that ran through my mind, I don’t know if I could even begin to organize them.

I thought about Hitler and what a powerful and great leader he was….insane but great. As I said in my Intro to CSP class, use the theory of rational. Hitler’s actions did not seem rational to us, because we have a different end goal, but for his goals, purifying, preserving and creating a dominant, superior Aryan race, his actions were rational. If I ever needed to learn how to get a nation of people to buy into a plan or ideal that I held, I really do think I would go back and study Hitler. Not the abusive Hitler, but the leader Hitler. How he managed to sway so many people, I will never know. Fear I suppose. It comes back to fear.

Anyway, I think I was most taken back by seeing written in print, on a wall, how Hitler wanted to create a dominant race. One that was superior to the rest. While I always knew this was Hitler’s goal, I don’t think I have really thought about that concept in years. I educate myself and fight every day to rid my actions, our community, etc of white supremacy and yet, here was Hitler fighting for just that. He was able to socially construct race so it encompassed religion, gender, sexual orientation, and race/ethnicity. F-ING AMAZING! How did people not realize sooner what was happening? And why did everyone run scared?

There was apart at the end of the exhibit that spoke about how people who were passive and choose to do nothing were just as guilty. I think that is exactly right! And just what people need to hear. Those who choose to be passive contributed to the Holocaust as much as the Nazi’s did. It is the same concept that Dr. Beverly Tatum speaks about in her book, “Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?” The ongoing cycle of racism is similar to a moving walkway. There are those who display active racist behavior and they are the people moving on the walkway. Double time. There are those who display passive racist behavior a.k.a. just do nothing, but are still a participant in the system just for being, and they are on the standing side of the walkway. Both the active and the passive still end up in the same place. Those who are not “guilty” are those actively displaying anti-racist behaviors. They are walking backwards on the moving walkway. And as I said to Sharon, I would take it a step further too actually visualize yourself walking backwards- against the grain, against the norm, against the traffic. There will be people and objects in your way that you will run directly into, but you have to keep moving or the belt will take you in the opposite direction. And that is exactly how difficult it is to actively fight racism in our country. I also saw a poster that had symbols for many different social justice causes, religion, disabilities, sexual orientation, low SES, women, etc. and below it was the caption “There is a special place in hell reserved for those who sit by and do nothing.” While this may be a little harsher than I would put it, I believe this is also true. Again, if you are doing nothing, you are automatically buying into the system.

On my way home, I was riding the Metro and just started looking around the car. There were about a 15 people in the car. Most of the car was African American; however in my line of view was one black woman, one Asian man, and one Italian man; one white man directly to my left wore a hearing aid, a black gentleman was directly across from me, and adjacent to me was a white, grey haired, older, white businessman. He was reading a book on diplomacy and looking at graphs. Now you would think that this older white gentleman would be uncomfortable on this train. He should have been! He was the only dominant one in the whole car! And yet, there he was with his nose buried in his book, not even noticing what was around him. That is what I despise the most. As apart of the dominant culture, he does not even have to think about his own supremacy. He is never made to feel truly uncomfortable because he can ignore it. GRRR I say to that GRRR!

So another eventful day in DC is over. I guess I will have to see what tomorrow brings!

I have been in DC for 5 days now and I miss everyone at Western greatly! It has been an adjustment even though I am used to city life. And I even found myself missing Macomb and the PACE Saturday night when I was out at an overly crowed, overly rated club. Well really, I think I just missed all of the grads in my program the most.

I went into my internship office, University of Maryland-College Park Resident Life, the last couple of days since my best friend had to work. It is going to be a great time and I feel at home already. My supervisor is way cool and a Western Grad to boot! I am all geared up for NHTI and New Resident Orientation planning and cannot wait to get started next week.

Today I went out to do some site seeing around DC. Even though I have been here before, it is a little hard to remember the middle school fieldtrips, so I went to check out a few museums. I found myself at the Smithsonian National Museum of American History and decided to check it out. I was headed for the National Museum of African Art, but when I got off the Metro I could not tell which of the ten buildings the correct building was. I eventually made it there though.

Anyway, when you walk into the Museum there is a giant American flag hanging on the wall. It is the same flag that firefighters and police officers hung from the side of the Pentagon on September 11, 2001. It was astounding to see all the people stop and take pictures in front of the flag, and never walk over to the information stand to even know what the flag really represented. I then proceeded to Preserving the Star-Spangled Banner. There are floor to ceiling windows behind which lay our Nations almost 200 year old flag, tattered and torn. The museum, under the Clinton administration, went to great lengths to preserve this historic symbol of our freedom. There was an entire History Channel special done about it if anyone wants to check it out. I am sure none of you will get that bored this summer. After that I wandered from exhibit to exhibit re-learning about our Nations history and embracing the memories of our forefathers.

Overall, I must say that I felt the emotional impact of the museum and the atmosphere. There were many, many children (about middle school aged) at the museum on fieldtrips. Most of them were running throughout the exhibits or just looking at the artifacts on display. Few took the time to read the captions or listen to the narratives. I know they are young, and maybe I should not expect too much from them, but I found myself disappointed in their lack of engagement. Here I was wandering through exhibits that took me through the Jewish Immigrant Era, African-American slavery, Women’s influence on the Industrial Era, and Wars our country has fought, while these kids poked fun at the pictures and people of the time. Immaturity I know. But when you are standing in front of a wax sculpture of an African-American slave working a plantation or looking at a picture of an African-American man who was beaten so severely you cannot even recognize the skin on his back, and some kid standing next to you says “That’s retarded!”, you really want to say something to them…. or just backhand them!

First, I found myself wondering how white Americans ever came to place ourselves at the front of the line; to bring ourselves to the superiority level that has been created and reinforced for centuries in this country. What made those original white settlers think they were better than any colored person? How does institutional racism get this out of hand? I can see how past events have built upon one another to place us in the position we are today, but how did it begin? That is an answer you will never find in a museum. I felt as though throughout the museum, there was oppression all around me. Oppression of Jewish Immigrants in our country who were forced to be peddlers in order to survive; oppression of African- Americans who were sent to fight in Wars in the name of America and for Americans, who if returning home, still had to fight slavery; oppression of women who labored in this country but are looked at as nothing more than housewives; and the oppression of the American people as we continue to prescribe to the racism our country has so deeply embedded in daily life. When will we begin to truly fight discrimination in this country? When will every man be truly equal? And when will we ALL finally be looked at as one race- the human race?

I also found myself wondering when these children would learn about their privilege. Certainly not in the museum when I passed hundreds of teachable moments with no educator in sight. Then I wondered what if the teachers were not aware enough of the issues that face these students in a multicultural society. When would the educators learn about these issues and pass the knowledge along to their students? And then it dawned on me. We (people in my program) are student affairs professionals. We have the ability to open the minds of the youth who come through our colleges and universities, who will one day be the educators of young children similar to those at this museum. It made me proud of our profession and all of us. It gave me the spark of hope and light that I had not seen at all until that moment.

I know this all sounds sappy and overly analytical, but I just wanted to share my experiences. Even though social justice is something I think and educate about on a regular basis, there are still moments that I allow myself to discard the conscious presence of my own privilege and it takes moments like these to bring it back.

I did eventually make it to a few other museums. I took tons of pictures and have them posted on my yahoo website. If you would like to see them, you can go to http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/french_angel24/my_photos

Now that I live in the Midwest and have traveled around a little, I have been able to add a few states to my map!



create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

YAY! Now if only this map colored itself blue instead of red :)

So I was on the shuttle today going to the S. Campus because I was too lazy to drive, (even though I do love my new car!) and I had a few random thoughts. The first was about Florida and my ties to this god for saken state. When I am down here I can get away with saying I am not from here, which is entirely true. I was born in New Jersey and raised in a mix of NJ and MD (Maryland). But once I leave Florida and people see my license plate and driver's license that say Florida, are they in fact not going to assume that I am from here? And then even if I correct them, I am not really severed from this state. I did finish my last two years of high school here, my four years of undergraduate education, and did indeed get my first license from here. So how much am I really not apart of this state....or maybe put better, this state not apart of me?
OK second random thought was about myself and library fees. I go to the library to borrow a movie or a book so I do not have to pay for the item. And yet, I can never seem to return or renew items on time. So in the end, why do I go to the library to borrow if I end up paying what the book is worth or paying the price a movie rental at blockbuster would have been? Ridiculous!
And as I sit here typing, I am having another not so random thought right now, but have you ever noticed people that give off a body odor that you just cannot stand. Pheromones maybe.....there have been several instances that I am sitting next to a guy and I just cannot stand his odor. It is not a smell of being unclean or having not taken a shower, it is just this body odor. And it drives me CRAZY...not in the 'I am really attracted to you right now' kind of way, but more of the 'I want to run out of the room gasping for fresh air' kind of a way. What is with that? Liza this is probably totally a question for you.

So rainy days are not all that productive because all I and anyone else wants to do is sleep! I am sooooo tired of being bored off my ass. And I know no one who is not bored right now, except for maybe Chris who is living it up in Spain. Just to give you an idea , I read all of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone yesterday. Who does that? So yeah, just chillin' out at FIU again because I apparently after four years here I have no other life except FIU. *Sarcastic gasps from the audience*

I had one of the best conversations today that I have had in a very long time! It was great and totally unexpected. First, we went to Panera Bread, which thanks to Chris, I have developed an obsession for going there. But aside from good food, there was this fantastic conversation to go along. I sometimes feel so alone and just distant from the people around me because most of what we talk about is our day to day activities. And while talking just about daily activities can be good at times, not really ever talking about anything in terms of theories, ideas, or values outside of the classroom can get boring and routine to the point of not real caring about what is being said. And let's face it, not much new happens on a daily basis, even though we act like at the time whatever event that occurred is the end of the world...or the hottest gossip for the day. But today....today was an in-depth, intellectual, thought provoking conversation. And yet many parts of it were still light-hearted. The conversation just flowed from one subject to the next, much like my thinking, and for a while I forgot there was even a world around us. And to boot, I was with an amazing person, who I think the world of. The time flew by, of course, and I found myself wishing it didn't have to end. And even though it did, it will remain in my mind for a long time to come.
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"Great minds discuss ideas, mediocre minds discuss events, small minds discuss personalities." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

I have been feeling rather reflective lately. I am not sure why. Maybe out of summer boredom. Maybe because I am closing a chapter. Anyhow, regardless of the reason, I am confused, satisfied, saddened and in love all at the same time. And somehow I see these all as good things. I guess I just have not taken the time to stop over the last few years to really reflect on the direction my life was headed in. I just let it all happen. And since I never bothered to take time and reflect, I never tried to steer my life in any direction except towards success. But was I really successful if I developed without looking at the reasons behind it? And am I in fact actually developed? What is developed, if change is constantly occuring? Always a question and never really a straight forward answer...if one at all.
A little light bulb went off in my IR Theories class the other day. We were talking about hierarchy and anarchy. There is a theory by Kenneth Waltz that states international anarchy is the inevitable and predominant cause of war. Anyhow, underneath all of the analysis, for all of Waltz's neorealist reasons behind war, he never mentions fear. It seems to me though, that fear is inevitably the reason behind war, peace, and biggest of all CHANGE. Fear does not have to always have to have negative effects, as most IR theorists tend to believe, but it is the primary catalyst for change. Think about it.....rulers are afraid of what another country might do, so they make a change...could be towards peace or war, doesn't matter. FEAR. Same is true for people and everyday life. You are afraid of what another person might do, the stag hunt theory, so you act accordingly. You are afraid of what you WERE, ARE or are ABOUT TO BECOME, so you change. You are afraid of being unhappy...so you change. I think there are very few times that people just genuinely change unless it is through a slow unconscious progression. But the more conscious change, the ones we try to make immediately and inevitably cannot because change takes time, come from a fear of something, good or bad.
I wonder what would happen if we all stopped being afraid? Would the world and our lives end in anarchy or would they instead be lived more fully and peacefully?
What do you think?

SO my ex just called me and was like..."Hey, do you like Sarah McLachlan?" (we have not been together in over 2 years f.y.i.) And of course I skeptically replied "Yeah..Why?" "Well, I have two tickets to the concert tonight, but I can't go and I was wondering if you wanted them?"
So wooo hoooo!!! I am going to the Sarah McLachlan concert tonight! Kick ass! I wish Chris was here to go with me! I miss you!!! I will update you all on the concert when I get home. *Smiles*

My four years at FIU have flown by and I feel as if I only began to take advantage of the friendships and bonds I have created here just in the past year. I spent my four years giving to the university and student population through my extra-curricular involvement at the cost of academics, friends, relationships, and family. Now I know I have formed friends from my involvement, but I can't help but wonder what kind of a person I would be today if I had not over-extended myself. I have pissed away my chance to relax, laugh, and enjoy the wonderful people that surround me daily.
Becoming a resident assistant and a part of the residential life family was the one extra activity that aided my growth in a way that could never be expressed in words. I could never regret that of course. I have literally found my family in the department. I found my best friend (and brother) through living on-campus....and then both of us becoming over achieving experts in the department ;) Residence Hall Dork Land, as Liza would say, may have turned us into housing nerds, but I think it was all worth it.
I am going to miss walking into the housing quad and looking around at the hundreds of windows, behind each of which held another one of our students battling with their own place and identity in the university. Popping into Res Life and coordinators offices will be a thing of the past. Movies on the Lawn, Welcome Week, Check-Ins and the Panther Hall Pool will eventually become distant memories.
And while I know I can always come back on the holidays, things will never be the same. New RAs, ARLCs, RLCs, and DAs will move into the places where, what seemed for three years, a changing and yet stable, reliable atmosphere once lay. We will never all be in the same place again. And so why does it take leaving to come to this realization?
And then there is always time to reflect on relationships. I have progressed through the oddest years of my life in this area. I NEVER would have guessed when I came to FIU, I would be in the place I am now. "You live and you learn" could never be more true in my case. At times I feel I have squandered away love definitely...maybe even true love. And for what? Immaturity when I began here four years ago, selfishness to follow, insecurity, fear, and now to be left thinking the grass is greener on someone else's lawn.
And yet through all of this, I still don't think my heart (or lustfulness) has learned, while my head just keeps repeating what an idiot I have been and probably am still being. Did I blow the best thing I ever had? Was it really the best thing I ever had? Can I be with one person longer than three months without getting scared, making excuses, falling for someone else, or just jinxing the relationship?
I have always wondered about those people who seem so unhappy in their relationships, if it be with friends, family, or a lover. Are they still in the situation because they are afraid to be without it? Or is it that they are really the smart ones that decide to work through the hardships no matter what? Am I running or being sensible?
Regardless of the answer, I am sure it will come with time. I was once given a quote from the facilitators at ASB nationals that they thought fit me well. I don't think I completely ever understood why, but by not wanting the answers to all of my questions right now, I think it is finally making sense and becoming more fitting.
"I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer…" - Rainer Maria Rilke
So for now I suppose I can be saddened by this chapter in my life coming to a close, but I am about to start another exciting new chapter. The resounding memories will soon subside....and maybe the unpredictable nature of the situation will prove to be just another lesson to grow from.

Thanks for the quiz John! This fits me PERFECTLY! And yes, I am procrastinating! :)-

American Cities That Best Fit You:

80% Chicago

75% New York City

75% Philadelphia

65% Los Angeles

60% Boston

I know I have not used my livejournal in FOREVER as usual. I was just sitting in my room bored... which never happens and I should be doing something productive...oh well....I was reading old livejournal entires. I came across one that Chris and I had made up about a year ago. It made me chuckle so I thought I would share it with everyone. Here you go...

[Dec. 6th, 2003|08:48 pm]
delegation - n. - 1. the act of spreading out tasks among a team or committee, only to have those same responsibilities fall back on the delegator 2. a process where tasks are assigned to different people but usually come back incomplete, incorrect, or never started to the orignator, who must then act quickly and under stress to complete them accurately and to standards

-----

solution ~ DO IT YOURSELF.

So two of my friends from here have traveled half away across the map in the last week and are now on their way home. The two of them also have a competition going, over who can get to all 50 states in America. And now that I have thought about it, I have never really been big on traveling west. Ah, oh well! We always knew I was an East Coast girl! Does make me wish I had done a little more traveling though while I was here. I miss my friends back in Miami, but not Miami itself. I am definitely going to miss Chicago. It feels like I just got here and was starting to form a life. Guess it is back to the other side.

I know I have not entered in a while, so I think rather than typing a big long to do about my life, I am just going to copy from my lil' one and just post some quizzes!

How to make a danielle

Ingredients: 3 parts intelligence 3 parts self-sufficiency 5 parts ego

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add emotion to taste! Do not overindulge!

Everyone needs to go to this website and vote NO.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2004-02-24-gay-marriage-survey.htm
USA Today is doing a poll on if there should be a constitutional amendemnt banning gay marriage. Right now 67% of the people say YES and only 33% say NO. We need to fight back.

So I am away at the ACPA conference right now and typing in my journal while standing at a high counter next to Chris while we check our e-mails, flight times, etc. This conference has been great! A few bumps with mean people from University of Indiana at Pennsylvania, but other than that a ton of fun! We have meet a ton of new people that will be entering Student Affairs at the same time as us. It is cool to see these conferences on such a grand, organized level. And our pro-staff has been really good to us this weekend. Just making it even harder to think about leaving FIU. I think I will blead Blue & Gold forever, but that is probably what they all say about their Alma Mater. I have been able to look at some grad programs while I was here and in conjunction been able to talk with professionals and students that have been in their Student Affairs programs. It has given me the more personal experiences of the universities (which is what we all want to know about), not just the glossy flier, showman version. Well Chris and I are wasting time here that we could be off networking or at least partying (hehehe) so I am off. See you all when we get back tomorrow.

http://eqfl.org/Advocate_Now/DOMA_Petition/doma_petition.php
http://www.hrc.org/millionformarriage/index.shtml
Both of these petitions support Equal Marriage Rights for All

Marriage is love.

So I went to FARH over the weekend which FIU hosted (how cool!) and it was awesome! I had such a great time and it really brought back my spirits. It has made me want to do things for the residents again and not just for myself or to fulfill my job. I am sooo excited to get all these new projects started that I have ideas for. I just hope I can motivate my fellow RAs into wanting to help! And the other great news from the weekend is that I was elected to FARH State Board! I am the new Associate Director and my brother Chris was elected Director. We have a long year ahead of us but it will be great and SBD will rock it out!
The one thing that I do wish was that the department would be a little more supportive of my involvement. Everyone congratulated me, but I still feel like the victory was missing something. I guess that is just the pessimism of pro-staff. You think I would be used to it by now. Anyways, I am going to do an awesome job at everything and prove them wrong!
Well I am going to go work on some RA stuff. I have Bulletin Boards due tomorrow and I want to get some programming stuff done too.

OK SO I know that other than quizzes I have not written in a while. I have all this good news that has kept me extremely busy! The internship application that I was talking about in a previous entry....well I went through this 2 month process and I was chosen by the University of Chicago to do a summer Housing & Residential Life internship. I will have my own building and Union desk staff that I will be overseeing for summer conferences! I am really excited about it and I am movin' on up! Chicago is not quite the East Side but you get the idea. ;) Also, I am teaching an RA Leadership class every Tuesday from 7:00pm-9:30pm. I was sooo glad to be chosen as a facilitator. It was something I really wanted to do last year, but didn't get the opportunity to apply. I also have been chosen as a delegate for FARH (the Florida Association of Residence Halls) Conference. I finally get to go on a conference! And as I said in a previous entry as well, I am running for State Board. The last piece of good news that I can think of for right now would be ASB! I got the bid to host our National Summer Leadership Conference entitled the ABCs (Alternative Break Citizenship School). This is a great honor and I worked really hard to convince nationals to come here. ASB is running somewhat smoothly and I have almost tripled out participant numbers from last year! So everything is going well. Being the pessimist that I am, something has to go wrong soon since I have only hit minor bumps so far, but until then I am ecstatic with the progress!

My life has been hectic this past week hence why I have not updated (sorry John). It was great to have the break from school and I spent 13 hours shopping. Immediately after I spent 14 hours sleeping. It was great! I hope that I can just make it through this week. That would be wonderful. Everything is due all at once and of course I have NOTHING to do exam week. Most of my stuff was due today, and I got an extension on some unfinished work. I have a final on as well as a summary of 200 pages that I have yet to read and a 20 page paper which has not even had one letter typed for it yet all due on Thursday. It also happens to be initiation for my sorority this Sun and I have 2 little ones (Kate & Kylee) which are about to become apart of our sisterhood. They have events all this week which unfortunately I will not be attending and I am on duty over the weekend, so I need to find an RA to cover for me so I can accept them into Phi Mu! And Thurs is also voting for my sorority on our new e-board (drama & trauma all in one) *sigh* I have the ACUHO-I application due by Fri and I need to put together my resume. I have my self eval due and resident evaluations due, which will be immediately followed by Supervisor evals and peer evals. At least my bulletin boards are done! I have the Semester Stars program tomorrow at 7:30PM, which I am not sure if the PO came in for yet and then Brain Bucks is to follow that at 9PM. So yeah if you don't see me this week, it is because I fell into a black hole trying to get all of this accomplished and still get some sleep! *Breathe* .........*sigh*